


stop pretending

by itbelynx



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Confrontations, First Kiss, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itbelynx/pseuds/itbelynx
Summary: post c2ep91; fjord confronts caleb about his thoughts and emotions
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 1
Kudos: 79





	stop pretending

**Author's Note:**

> this was a tumblr prompt i received from an anon. if youd like to send me prompts, im over at itbepansam.tumblr.com

Fjord wasn’t sure if his eyes were playing tricks in him, or if he was actually noticing the fact that Caleb was becoming a little predictable. Every time something happened, Caleb did something that always was incredible to help the group feel better, but he always played it off like it wasn’t anything special. And Fjord had had enough of the self-deprecation. 

The wood creaked beneath his feet as he walked through the house down to Caleb’s room. He knocked on the door a little forcefully but he knew he needed to do this. If no one else would, then he felt like he at least owed Caleb this conversation. 

“Oh, Fjord. Can I help you?" 

"Can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked, trying to keep his thoughts in order so he wouldn’t lose track of them. 

“Oh, ja. Come in.” Caleb moved out of the way, allowing Fjord inside and closing the door behind him. 

Fjord stood in the middle of the room, taking notice of the scattered papers and notes, not to mention the tossed books and crumpled parchment. 

“What did you want to talk about?" 

There was the briefest of pauses, just enough time for Fjord to take a breath and steel himself. "Why do you continue to lie to yourself and to us?”

Caleb froze, and Fjord watched several expressions dance across his face. 

“What are you-?”

“You always pretend you don’t care but I know you do,” Fjord started. He didn’t know where he had finally found the courage to speak up, but he felt it was necessary. He felt that perhaps he was the only one who really understood what Caleb’s thoughts were. It was worth a shot anyway. 

“You said that it was a group effort when you, Beau and Nott all came to rescue Jester, Yasha and I when we got captured. But Beau told me that you had been the one to truly end Lorenzo. And then you made that bubble to protect us all, to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. And then while we were at sea, you figured out Avantica’s code and helped bring her down with that giant wall of fire to protect us, saving not only my hide, but also everyone else’s because we were able to keep Uk'atoa at bay. 

"You figured out I was speaking in a fake accent and you cornered me about it and I didn’t understand until later that you were trying to make sure I was still on the up and up. And then, I threw my sword in the lava and lost my powers. And when I came clean, you were the first to step forward and give me something to still feel apart of the team.” He brought up his hand where the glove still sat. “You made everyone else step forward to hand over items to help me feel included still. And then from the moment we lost Yasha, the only person besides Jester who has been adamant about getting her back is you.”

He stopped for a moment, trying to get a read on Caleb, who had been eerily quiet this whole time. But, yet again, his expression was alluding Fjord. “And now, there’s this situation with Nott. You spent how long trying to figure out how Halas’s spell worked, trying to figure out how you could help Nott become herself again. But when it didn’t work, you did this.” He motioned towards the mess all over Caleb’s room. “You care about us, but you won’t let yourself admit it or let us close. And I just want to know why. Why do you always shut us out?”

The room was quiet. Bone chillingly quiet. Cut the tension in the room with a knife quiet. Ringing started in Fjord’s ears, starting soft but growing more to try to cover the deafening silence that existed within the room. He swallowed, terrified that he had overstepped and was now probably going to have to either make a run for it or hope he can get a few licks in before Caleb absolutely destroys him. 

“I had a conversation very similar to this outside of Felderwin with Beauregard,” Caleb said softly. “You don’t understand it because you do not know everything. I pretend not to care because if I make it seem like I care, then that’s something Trent can use against me. He can hurt and kill you all to get to me." 

"Why the fuck does this man care so much about you? I get that he was your teacher but-”

“Because he was not kind. He tortured us. Abused us. But he also… manipulated us.” Caleb wasn’t looking at him. “He was mad but… he made it feel like he cared about us. He helped raise us, and taught us so much. He fucked with our memories. I killed my parents because of what he placed in my head, because I thought I was doing the right thing, because he taught us that those who talk about revolution, or throwing over the government should be killed. So, in order to graduate, Astrid, Eodwulf and I killed our parents. But the sound of their screaming broke me. So, he put me into that asylum where the beacon is. And I sat there for eleven years until a woman saved me and brought me back. Then I killed one of Trent’s men and escaped. And until we ran into them again, I didn’t know how I was going to react when I finally faced him. But then he saw me with you all and now I have to do everything I can to protect you all from him because if there’s ever a misstep on my part, that could mean the end of you. And I just… I can’t afford to lose you… any of you.”

Caleb looked up at Fjord finally, who was in a stunned silence, not expecting that as an answer. Caleb looked so sad, but also so fierce. It was a terrifying expression that made all thoughts leave Fjord’s brain.

He moved on instinct alone. Two steps and he was across the room, strong arms pulling the other man into a hug. Everything made so much sense now and all Fjord felt was sympathy for Caleb. He was guarded because this man had deeply hurt him and messed with his psyche. And he blamed himself, rather than the man who had hurt him. Caleb was a good person and this proved it and Fjord was so sorry that he ever doubted that. He pulled back only to be greeted by Caleb’s shocked face. 

“I’m so sorry you were put through that. I can’t imagine what that must have been like. But I want you to know that this changes nothing. You’re still my friend, still someone I care very deeply about.” 

They looked at each other for a moment, Fjord’s face heating up as he realized his hands were still holding Caleb. He seemed to notice as well because a shimmer of pink danced across his freckled cheeks. They both breathed in, but neither spoke, apparently too fearful of what might come out. 

Fjord glanced down to Caleb’s lips, then back to those sparkling blue eyes. There was another small pause between them before their lips met in a passionate embrace. Caleb’s hands gripped at Fjord’s cloak while Fjord was holding the wizard’s back and face. It was sweet yet fiery. There was no holding back on either side, just love and the need for each other. 


End file.
